How to tell your parents if a boy truly loves a girl

One of our Brother / Sister asked :

I just read your post regarding valentines day. its really good. you mention in your post that if a boy truly love a girl, then he should talk to his parents about that girl. But my question is that, in our society it is very common and most of the time obvious that parents don’t support their children in such kind of matter. Most of the parents just ignore their kids thought, just because of life standard or some personal ego. It would be great if you can write about Love marriage with the consent of parents in the light of Islamic values and Sunna. And i appreciate your work for this blog. May ALLAH PAK bless you. AMMEN

Assalam O Alaikum wa rehmatullah,

First of all praise to Allah who is all knowing and whomever He leads no body can diverge him and whomever He diverges no body can help him.

Regarding Your Question

In our society most parents don’t really understand what their children want to convey.

I completely agree with you brother that is a problem that their is a lot of generation gab between parents and their children. Most parents don’t even know the kind of enviornment their children are exposed and back in old days it was not like that.

Now these days one reads in college and may start finding a girl whom he feels beautiful and feels like she will make the best life partner for him, which I think is quite natural.

If he doesn’t tell about this to his parents and keeps on assuming they will not understand, then I think it is not the right strategy.

The best way out is to talk at least one of them, Make your own strategy , Plan how you can talk.

In Holy Quran Allah describes incident of Hazrat Musa (A.S), in that incident the daughter of Shuaib (A.S) tells his father in a beautiful way that she wants to marry him.

She (R.A) says : “Father give him a job , as he is strong and honest.”

Look at the beauty of it, First she is not saying anything directly as she knows if my father takes her on a job, he will have to marry us both, because he is old and a guy can’t live in their house like that, Second she praises him so his father comes to know the Qualities of Hazrat Mosa (A.S).

Hazrat Shoaib (A.S) was an intelligent man so he asked Mosa (A.S) to marry one of his daughters.

(Reference http://quran.com/28/22-28 )

The Lesson from this story is that we have to take the matter to parents and in a beautiful way, wrap it in a cake and tell them.

I know it is not going to be easy and one might have to listen some ‘Dant and Batein’ in the begining but in the long run they will understand.

Secondly before telling parents one should be change his attitude toward life in general, be sure you are doing well in your studies, your grades are good, You have a good carier in front of you. You are helping your parents in business etc if possible or applicable.

May Allah help us all to follow his religion and grant us wisdom to understand it.

Barak Allah

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